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IPL3GATE – the inside scoop

(written in April 2010)

Sad that Shashi Tharoor lost his job. See, I JUST got hold of some key information, which throws light on the whole issue of whether Shashi Tharoor tried to ‘informally mentor at arms length’ the decision in favour of the Kochi team. This is surely going to hit the media very soon – I just want you to remember that you read it here FIRST!

I have the transcripts of the phone call that Mr Tharoor made to Mr Modi, and it says here that Mr Tharoor called Mr Modi from somewhere outside of Delhi (my contact, a k a Deep Throat, has requested me not to publish the geographical information, otherwise he may be seriously compromised), and the line happened to be quite bad. I am quoting from the transcript directly, editing out the unmentionable parts, and translating into English wherever necessary.

ST: “Hello, Mr Modi?”

LM: “Hello, hello, hello… Kuchch sunai nahi deta! Kaun hai re?”

ST: “Hello, hello, the line is not very clear – I am Shashi here.”

LM: “Hello chachiji, how are you? You’ve caught a very bad cold, Chachi – your voice is hoarse, like a man’s voice. Are you taking any medicines? Have you seen a doctor?”

ST: “Not Chachi…(unmentionable)…I am not your Chachi, this is Shashi, Shashi Tharoor!”

LM: “Rude? Why are you calling me rude, Chachi? You have a bad cold, and I am asking you to meet a doctor, and take medicines, and you are calling me rude!”

ST: “NO, Baba!! I am not calling you rude, and I am not your Chachi – I am Shashi Tharoor, the minister who writes on Twitter!”

LM: “Again you are insulting me – why are you calling me a twit? I am your favourite nephew, Chachi, Lalit, you remember? (Aside to unknown person or persons: she is very old, you know, I think something’s gone wrong inside her head)”

ST: “THIS IS SHASHI THAROOR!”

LM: “Ahhh! Why didn’t you say so before? All this time, you were making me believe you are my Chachi, you calling me rude, and a twit! This is not the way a person like you should behave.”

ST: “I am glad that has been sorted out…so, how are you Mr Modi?”

LM: “Fine, fine, Mr Tharoor! How are you?”

ST: “Am doing good – my tweets…my posts on the Twitter are doing well too – all the journalists, the cattle class types, you know, are following my tw…posts all the time, so that’s good. So, how is the IPL going?

LM: “Good, very good indeed! It’s really hotting up – Mukeshbhai’s team is doing really well, the other teams aren’t up to them, and of course, there are some things which are very good for us, me, I meant the game. Good new talents coming through, and now in a couple of days, two new teams to come through in the auction – some more money into my…into the game, really we will be able to make T20 into the biggest thing in the world. Ha ha ha ha ha!!”

ST: “(Aside to person or persons unknown: I just can’t handle his manic laughter). Ha ha! Mr Modi – can I call you Lalit – oh good! So Lalit, this team from Kochi…

LM: “Ha ha…, you Kolkatawallas will have your joke! Ha ha, you’ll never forget your youthful days in that city, and quite a one for the kochis you were too! ha ha… now, they are not so kochi some of the promoters, you know kochi, the word kochi, from your Kolkata days? Ha ha …some of them are not very kochi, but maaan, one of them is quite…something…ha ha”

ST: “Ha ha, Lalit, you really have a sense of humour! (Aside: Jeezuz H Keeraist!! What I got to do to get this done….whew. Hey, JJ, get me a filter coffee – can’t handle this Nescafe unmentionable)”

ST: “Lalit, so who are the Kochi owners?”

LM: “Ha ha…kochi! There are no kochi owners – get it “kochi”…ha ha”

ST: “Ya ya ya, got it (Aside: Jeezuz! This guy – hey: the coffee is the pits man! – oh, and don’t put that on my tweets)

LM: “There are some fellow called Gaekwad, and some…”

ST: “Pushkar too…”

LM: “Pushkar? Hey that’s what my wife says on those nights we get to spend together…push kar, push kar… and when I do that, she goes…”

ST: “OK OK, so about this Pushkar madam…”

LM: “Pushkar mela? Great place to visit, you must go there…particularly when the mela is on. Lots of animals, and some of my best, camel dealers are there, so if you want to buy a cow or a camel or something, let me know, you’ll get a good deal, and no commish…no compulsion to buy if you don’t want to.”

ST: “I am not planning to buy camels, or whatever, and yes I will go to Pushkar, but that’s not the Pushkar I was talking about ..”

LM: “You can buy some very good cows too…some of them are imported too…from Cayman, Virgin…”

ST: “WHO ARE YOU CALLING A COW?”

LM: “Arre, you’re the one who wanted to buy cows at the Pushkar mela, and now…”

The transcript ends here – obviously there must have been a call drop at this stage of the conversation.

So there you have it: both are clean, and clearly there has been some mis-communication between these two influential men of our India at this time in our history. So, contrary to whatever you see in media, Mr Tharoor was not attempting to exert influence, and nor was Mr Modi attempting to peddle his influence.

I think the media must give up its desperate attempt to prove that something’s rotten in the state of Denmark… the IPL. The butler didn’t do it, there was no butler on either side. I don’t think Mr Tharoor employs a butler – if he did, it would have come out in his tweets, since everything else does. And Mr Modi doesn’t employ butlers either – he only employs sons, daughters, nieces, and nephews of very good friends, and that too only as interns.

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About thecrestedjay

I am passionate about football, jazz, classic rock, classic movies, crime, science fiction and P G Wodehouse. And also about NBA, western and Indian classical music. Since the wife will also read this blog, I cannot reveal my other passions in public. Have one son who plays the guitar, spent some time as an animator and now works for a digital marketing and advertising company. I also have one (1) wife. I spent a lot of my time on my music and books collection. I also have a passion for travelling but not a great deal of time and money to spend on this. Hopefully, in the future, I'll be able to do so.

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