I know, I know – all you guys and girls have given up on me. “He’s done with his blogs” has been the cry going the rounds. “He’ll never be back here again” has been buzzing in the community. Some nasty people did add the words “Thank God” to these sentiments, but I shall not be cowed by a mere handful of such readers.
I was really seriously lacking inspiration.
But all is now well. The news that Prez Obama has won the Nobel sparked off the new wave that you are about to read. I know the world, its uncle and its favourite pet dog have been confounded and dumb-founded by the Prez winning the Nobel before he’s even started to do anything besides talking. But I think it’s great. This surely is the way to go – give awards and prizes on promises than on achievements, and see what a fantastic motivator that would be to aam janta. Basic psychology, peoplez!
I sent this mail to President Obama’s office and am waiting for his response. Of course he’s too busy to respond himself, but he’s a good man – he’ll get one of his staff to mail me back.
Dear Mr President
Congratulations on being awarded the Nobel Peace Prize! While the rest of the world is worrying about whether you deserve it or not, and whether the Peace Prize Committee have finally and collectively succumbed to Parkinson’s, Alzheimer’s, dementia praecox and other ailments, at least you can rest easy in the knowledge that the medal will rest in YOUR trophy cabinet.
I am writing to you to seek some advice. Obviously, you must have really high powered PR and lobbying firms working for you – after all, it must have taken an enormous amount of effort to win the hearts and minds (if you can call it that) of the members of the Committee. And that’s where I wish to seek your advice.
I am a writer of sorts, and I have set my heart on winning the Booker Prize and the Nobel Literature Prize, preferably in the same year. Having read the works of many of the recent winners of these two competitions, I am convinced that I can win these trophies, and pretty easily at that, on merit – provided, I can get a high end PR and lobbying campaign going.
I would be most grateful if you could send me the names and contact details of the team who works on your account at the PR and lobbying firms that you have engaged. A word from you will certainly go a long way towards establishing my credentials with these firms.
Since I would be unable to pay their fees upfront, not being too flush with funds right now, I would be happy to share the cash awards with the firms – I get to keep the silverware, though! And please be assured that you shall not lose by this – I shall certainly keep a certain something aside for you, don’t you worry!!
When you visit my country, be sure to give me a call: we would love to have you over for dinner. The wife does an excellent kosha mangsho, and ileesh machher jhhol, and her loochis are to die for. We live pretty close to the airport, so you could drop by on your way in to the city or the way out. Just drop me a call, and we’ll fix it. And of course bring the family and your bodyguards as well!
Look forward to hearing from you on the PR and lobbying firms.
All the best to the family and have fun at the Nobel ceremony!