(I wrote this in Oct 2008, and I still LOOOOOVE Google – make no mistake!)
I love Google! There are only very few things in the world that I don’t know everything about – e.g. how to score at bridge, how many angels can dance on the point of a pin, and who killed Christopher Robin – and for everything else there’s Google. You should see the look of wonder, awe and amazement that comes over the faces of comely young women in my company when I ask abstruse questions (like “how many roads must a man walk down?”) and answer them myself (the answer is “42”) – they don’t know that I get all my answers from Google, and I am not telling them anyways!
The presence of comely young women creates major problems for me. I am a married man with one wife of 27 years standing, and like all married men, I am mortally scared of my wife, who, naturally, I guess, takes umbrage at my paying too much attention to comely young women, who are not related by blood or by marriage. However, the presence of comely young women creates this urge to send them emails late in the night, which on reading the next morning can lead to major discord in the household. A sample of such emails could read like this”
“Hi Savita. Sorry it’s late. Do you remember we met at that quiz night at The Pineapple in Juhu Beach about three years ago? I was with that girl with the great **** who didn’t know any of the answers? Well, I was just wondering if you’re awake. I’ve got a nice bottle of Chantilli and I’ve got to go out for fags anyway. Shall I come by? I don’t know where you live, but I’ll be outside Mahim station in about ten minutes if you’re interested.”
The mind boggles at the tsunami that would hit the household if the wife got hold of this, or the said Savita called the next morning to say that she was waiting there till 4 am, and what the hell did I mean by standing her up??
Now, I have no fears of this happening any more!! Google, like the US Marines, has ridden to my rescue – with a thingy they’ve called Mail Goggles. Read all about it here: http://gmailblog.blogspot.com/2008/10/new-in-labs-stop-sending-mail-you-later.html
What the official blog says is “Sometimes I send messages I shouldn’t send. Like the time I told that girl I had a crush on her over text message. Or the time I sent that late night email to my ex-girlfriend that we should get back together. Gmail can’t always prevent you from sending messages you might later regret, but today we’re launching a new Labs feature I wrote called Mail Goggles which may help. When you enable Mail Goggles, it will check that you’re really sure you want to send that late night Friday email. And what better way to check than by making you solve a few simple math problems after you click send to verify you’re in the right state of mind?”
Then there follows the “few simple math problems”:
Easy, no? at 3 in the morning, with a half dozen glasses of the right stuff sloshing about your insides? If this doesn’t sober you up, nothing will.
Google boys (and girls too) are great! I really love them for their understanding of human nature, and figuring out where we poor mortals need help. For their next trick, what they need to do is to create a tool or wizard or whatever that would enable middle aged men write winning emails to comely young women, which would wow ’em (not the old men, but the CYW) and get them to go out on dates with the middle aged men. If Google succeeds, the geriatrics market will be with Google for life!!