What with the underwhelming drama of the World Cup, I missed out on the arrival in Mumbai of the most important, certainly the most famous, mover and shaker in the world. A hint of this arrival came from the wife when she airily mentioned that Shakira was going to perform, which indeed she did last night. But it did not register – I have been too involved in trying to follow the intricate case of the murdered coach, as well as the not so intricate case of eleven gutless men. (Now, think about that! eleven men with black holes where we mere mortals sport our stomachs – may be there’s an idea for a science fiction story in there!)
To get back to Shakira. She is a wonder who deserves to be studied by men (and women of course) of science around the world. I firmly believe that her hips disprove the Newtonian theories of mechanical motion, as well as negating all current knowledge of human anatomy; in particular, she challenges all that our doctors know of the construction of the pelvic region of the human body. She has been gifted by God to increase our knowledge of ourselves. It is a shame that our scientists are wasting their time sending rockets to the stars, whereas they should devote their intellects and energies towards furthering their knowledge and understanding of our own bodies.
Consider this. Once our scientists understand how Shakira’s hips are built and what allows them to have their hitherto unimagined degrees of freedom, cure for hip problems is surely round the corner. A bit of tinkering around with stem cells, and voila! Just implant foetuses with the right stem cells, and soon we’ll see a time when young people will be trained, with proper nutritional intakes, on how to make their hips more flexible. With proper attention and practise, hip problems will surely be a thing of the past by the time I hit my threescore and ten.
I must confess to a major gap in my knowledge about Shakira’s hips. I have only seen her demonstrate her talents on MTV and other similar channels. I have long harboured the wish to study her hips in gyration mode from close quarters. However, I missed her show in Mumbai, and it appears highly unlikely that I will have the opportunity of getting up close and personal to her hips. In any event, if I did get such an opportunity, I have my wife who will surely veto my taking advantage of any such option.
But, for the good of humanity, there is a way out. The CSIR should invite Shakira to one of its labs, and there subject her hips to close scientific scrutiny.
I will be amply repaid for my efforts, if CSIR were to put my name on the scientific paper which will be the outcome of such an examination – for giving them this idea, perhaps they would invite me to the lab and attend their efforts, purely as a curious bystander.
(first posted on sulekha.com on Mar 26 2007)